Amazing.

Two days after making the decision to do something different with my life, I am noticing some interesting changes in the way I do things. One is that I am no longer living only in the upstairs of my house. I was spending all my time in my bedroom (which certainly is a beautiful and spacious room), and almost none in the downstairs, where my living room, dining room and kitchen reside. I have no idea what this means, but there has been a marked change. Perhaps I realize that the future will be taking me away from this house I have renovated, which I truly love and of which I am very proud, and I am trying to soak up the moments in it--all of it--before leaving. I feel a bit wistful about that, but obviously this lovely house is not making me happy.

Another change is that on this lovely Saturday morning, I woke up and was immediately productive, taking care of many overdue errands without even a thought of putting them off. In the recent past, I could while away entire Saturdays paralyzed from actually doing anything of substance. Today--my first day back in town since making this decision--felt very different to me.

I know this decision is the right one. As I drove out in the country to retrieve my dogs from their kennel, I thought about what the future holds for me. The hopefulness I felt at the thought of doing these things that have been gnawing away at me--living in a different place and doing work that seems lasting and meaningful--was so profound that it brought tears to my eyes. Even my daily work seems so much more bearable now, with the knowledge that it is only for a time, and not for all time. I don't know why it took me until now to realize that the life I am living no longer fits me. But I'm glad I figured it out when I did.