Empowerment

I spent much of today on networking efforts, some of which may actually bear fruit! What strikes me about this is how doing something ... anything ... makes me feel stronger, more confident and more optimistic. The ratio of these good things is exponentially larger than the effort I put forth. Who knew?

I hope to keep this ball rolling with a frenzy of activity.

Perseverance

This is a picture of my dog and what is perhaps his longest pee trail ever. He is 16 now, with legs too fragile to allow him to stand in place while taking care of business. He has adapted by peeing while he walks.

I have worried about whether I have unkindly prolonged Kip's life due to his walking difficulties. But then he stands by my side, awaiting a pet or two, and I know he still wants to be here.

I am inspired by his pushing on despite the obstacles.

How Do You Know What You Want To Do?

One of the hardest aspects of my joblessness has been not knowing what I want to do, work-wise. I have a viscerally negative reaction to the thought of working at another firm like the one I am leaving. I don't know if that has to do with the work or is unique to the environment of that particular firm. How do you look for a job when you don't know what kind of job you want?

Perhaps it would be more accurate to say I don't know how to make a living at the kind of job I want. The only thing on which I have focused with enthusiasm in the last few months is developing (pun intended--ha!) my photography and home design business. I now have business cards, a Facebook site, a (not yet working correctly) web site and have even begun advertising to a targeted audience. Working on these things has been pure pleasure. I am excited about it and love the idea of taking photos and designing homes for a living. But it would take quite a leap in the business to come anywhere close to making the amount of money required to pay my mortgage, etc.

I have thought about working with a career counselor or life coach, but haven't taken that leap yet. Any suggestions?

Beauty, Despite It All

Today was a day of ups and downs. Downs, as in, I wonder if I will ever work again. Ups, as in, I attended Patrick's soccer game today. The one for the junior high kids he coaches.

They won their championship and the sun came out and the leaves in the park were gorgeous and the twilight was beautiful over Lake Michigan and the kids were excited and happy and lovely. I teared up after becoming overwhelmed by the beauty of it all.

Monday, Monday

Lately, Monday has become the day I sleep all day.

It's odd to me because when I was working, I dreaded each Monday because I hated my job. Now that I'm not working, I dread each Monday because it reminds me that I have no job, no place to go that day.

I'm hoping tomorrow to make Tuesday the day when I get a lot done.

If I had all the time in the world ...

I am in a weird, but also somewhat enviable, place right now. I have income through the end of the year, though I am (mostly) not working. My only job is to search for a job and think about what I want to do with my life, basically in that order. You see, I feel the need to find a way to pay the bills first. After that, I'll figure out what it is that I REALLY want to do. Maybe that sounds backward, but I love my condo and want to keep it.

My days have taken on an odd shape so far, halfway through this halfway time. So far, I've mostly stayed in the condo, doing periodic job searching and sleeping more than I should. On the bright side, I do have my holiday card envelopes for this year addressed already, a record for me. But I know I should get out of the house more and exercise more as well.

To give myself a more concrete goal, I've signed up for the GRE and Psych GRE, both of which are in November. I haven't studied nearly enough and need to get on that in a more structured way, a la the bar exam.

Now I need to choose a place to study each day that is away from the distractions of my condo. Someplace where I'll feel rewarded just by getting out of the house, even if the purpose is to study. I may check out one of the oldest libraries in Chicago to see what it's like. Or maybe I'll become the new best customer of the coffee shop around the corner.

I'm trying to view this time more positively and get the most out of it. Any supportive thoughts you have in that regard are very welcome.

Paper

When I was a regular blogger, I always had paper and pen nearby to record everyday observations that may become a post. My trusty Moleskine was never far away. I haven't carried it for a while now, and it shows, both in the infrequency of my writing and in the level of my observation outside myself.

I know it will be more healthy for me right now to keep some perspective. So, I am going to switch to a more roomy purse and get that Moleskine back into action!

(Written from a Starbucks, where I wish I had paper handy. But then you would not have this post!)