New Things

Today I tried two new things. First, I actually kept a social appointment, a lunch with someone with whom I interviewed a few years ago. I like her and thought she would make a good professional and personal contact. I enjoyed our lunch and was so glad I ignored my instinct, which was to reschedule the lunch.

Next, I walked to the Merchandise Mart after lunch. I have always been curious about what lies within the Mart and I finally satisfied my curiosity today, fulfilling my promise to myself to check out at least one new Chicago place each week. I worry that I have become a complacent Chicagoan, spending far too much time shuttered in my condo, especially given that the weather is still very nice for exploring. So I'm going to keep this promise to myself and am glad to have explored the Mart today.

A New Day

Things I have accomplished today:
(1) took meds as required;
(2) located laptop;
(3) took laptop to Apple for repair;
(4) got materials needed for speeches I have coming up;
(5) will attend networking event tonight at the Berghoff, which I've always wanted to visit; and
(6) will forego my beloved trivia to fulfill my duty of attending my first meeting as a Director on my condo board.

Not bad for a girl in the throes of depression!

P.S. So I didn't attend the networking event. This is something I have to get over--the anti-social nature I have from time to time.

P.P.S. I feel I could do a whole other blog post on the art of the board meeting. Some people just don't get that you are there to do business and work through the agenda, and that it needs to be done on time and efficiently. Bah humbug!

Self-Destruction and Self-Discovery

For the last three days, I did not take my medications. I am on a significant amount of medication for a variety of maladies, not the least of which is depression. I'm not sure why I wasn't taking the medication, as I feel so much better and am so much more productive when I do take it.

I took it again today, but wonder about self-destruction. Why do I do this? What stops me from doing the very best things for myself, like exercise, getting fresh air, taking my meds, etc.?

Today a friend posted a Maya Angelou quote that said success is liking yourself, liking what you do and liking how you do it. For right now, my odds aren't looking good. I wonder what it will take for me to like myself? It seems as if her statement is fairly circular, assuming one must have work one likes and do it well in order to like oneself.

But maybe Maya does not think those things are dependent on each other. For me, they always have been. But right now, I'm disconnected from my work and therefore trying to figure out who I am without it. I'm interested in finding out.

Detailing the Car

As I type this, my car is being made to look sparkling and new again. I want this to be a metaphor for me, as I need to take care of myself this way. Exercise, eating right, and above all, stopping the mental self-flagellation at which I am all too practiced.

I just spent a weekend with law school friends that was wonderful. But it was shadowed by the knowledge that I have lost my job and did not feel I could tell them. Keeping a secret like that is very stressful, so much so that I find myself tearing up due to the relief of typing it here.

So, this week marks the beginning of three months of intensive job searching. I intend to do something completely different, maybe not even a law job. I am not sure yet what that will look like, but I am trying to keep hopefulness in my heart so I can believe that whatever it is, it will be a better fit for me.

I am glad I feel okay sharing this with you.