Thank you, villages

Today I had to deal with my most hated opposing counsel again. It was painful and I let that show and that made it more painful. I beat myself up about it all night, feeling sick and disgusted and hating what I do for a living more than I ever have, and that's saying something. And I have to deal with him again tomorrow, and was dreading it more than words can say.

But then something happened.

I talked to my friend at work about this and she sympathized and reminded me how important is not to let him know that I hate dealing with him. We vowed that I will immediately take some valid actions to put him on the defensive after tomorrow's encounter.

I still wasn't finished feeling down, however, so I called my friend Jay (a friend I know "in real life", as opposed to my internet friend Jay) in Virginia to confirm that I will have a nice catch-up visit with him and his family while I'm in Washington, D.C. for the ACLU conference next month. This gave me something to look forward to.

But even after my nice chat with Jay, I couldn't bear the thought of going home, where I knew I would stew about the day's events, including but not limited to this jerk. I truly couldn't imagine it and so I picked up dinner (it was well past the dinner hour) and took it to my friends' house and sat with those nice people talking mostly about non-law related things and eating dinner and drinking wine and petting their dog and just being with people I care about, who take such great care of me for reasons I cannot completely fathom.

I thought it would be better after that, but as I pulled into my driveway, I found the sinking feeling hitting me again. This time, it was so powerful that I was actually afraid to be alone. I felt overwhelmed, didn't want to feel that way anymore and could not see my way clear to a time when it would stop. I could hear my neighbor, who is a lawyer my same age and a really nice guy with whom I go out for sushi a few times a year, playing his piano. We have had some deep talks about the practice of law and I know he feels the way I do about a lot of things. He is a late night person like me, and I took a chance by knocking at his door. I didn't really feel I had another choice in light of my fears and I somehow knew he would understand. At first it was a bit awkward because I am not in the habit of dropping in on him just to visit, but he made me feel at home and as soon as he realized why I was there, he made me feel completely understood and heard. And after a long talk with him, I finally feel better.

I need to go to sleep, but I wanted to write about how grateful and lucky I am to have such amazing friends. It takes a village, they say, and a village is definitely making the difference for me right now. Thank you, my online and "in real life" villages. I owe you a debt I can never repay, but for which I am eternally grateful.