I realized that I have been censoring myself on this blog. Perhaps a more accurate term would be "not writing."
I've been holding back from writing things that are not upbeat enough or that you may not find interesting or that may not be perfect enough to pass my own ridiculously high bar. I have felt worried that people are tired of me using this as a virtual diary. But I did not begin writing this for an audience, and I need to write about the things that are going to help me grow as a person, because, well, that's what I need to do. I need to write every day because it makes me a better writer. I need to stop censoring myself. So, I hope you all will hang around, because I have grown to really like you, but if you don't, I understand.
Some random things:
- I feel lucky to have a housekeeper who surprises me by unearthing a few of my little-used Halloween decorations and displaying them in my house, then putting them away after Halloween.
- Walking through a Sears store this week, I was catapulted back to my childhood, in which any family trip to the mall began and ended with the Sears store . . . I found myself remembering how hard my parents worked, at jobs they were not that crazy about, in order to give my brother and I a better life. I'm going to remember that the next time I am having a bad day at work and am tempted to hate my job.
- I may be growing up, in that I would previously have agonized when a person with whom I work once again reveals himself to be an asshole, but this time, it bothered me for thirty seconds and then I moved on, glad I don't have to live with the karma that will be his.
- Certain things that are really good have fallen away from my life over the last few years . . . such as reading books for pleasure, working out and boys. I want to change that.
4 comments:
Woohoo! Boys! Will you write about the boys? I'll stick around if you do... ;)
Kidding. I'll stick around either way - and I look forward to your newfound writing productivity.
Lisa,
I always appreciate your candor. It takes courage. It gives me perspective. But I empathize with your struggle to share or not. Right now I'm leaning toward silence. It is too easy to be misunderstood by those who know me in real life.
Lisa,
Whatever you choose or choose not to post is fine by me. At the risk of sounding like a creepy stalker I think of you as a friend and I draw a lot of inspiration and support from your postings and photographs.
I think it happens to all of us, a moment when we realize we are writing for other people instead of ourselves.
I struggle with this also, as like JD, I am conscious that it is easy to be misunderstood by people who know me in real life. The line between practicing sensitivity towards readers and being true to my perceptions of events is difficult. So be true to yourself.
Now I need to take my own advice.
You could post your grocery list and I'd still read it. It's those things we share about our personal lives that makes a blog like yours special.
My mother reads mine, so I censor mine, too, especially the language. And I worry about sounding like a diary, too, especially since my diaries are full of angst and sorrow. It seemed I only wanted to write in them when I was sad. And no one wants to read that!
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