About that "new life" . . .

I've been thinking a lot since my return from New Hampshire late last night. Thinking about how to summon up the willpower and focus to make the changes needed in my life. Thinking about the kind of work that will make me happy. Thinking about how the proudest moment of 2007 for me was when a 22 year-old staffer for my candidate told me I would make an excellent political operative, based on my ability to connect with, charm and explain the issues to the voters I spent five days calling.

I need more time to think. But tomorrow I return to work and I have to really work hard to make up for my lack of productivity last year, while I was distracted by things I love so much more. I thought I would be ready and excited, but I'm not . . . a part of me wants to cry. Each of my parents spent many years working at jobs they did not love so that my brother and I could have good lives. I know I can do this, too, but I don't want to spend the rest of my life wishing I had done something that made me excited to get up every morning.

A friend of mine told me it has seemed for a while as if I am waiting for something to come along and change my life. Most of my major life changes so far have not happened at my own behest. I cannot quite see what lies around the bend, but more than anything else this year, I resolve to have the courage to go out find it, rather than waiting and hoping for it to come my way.