For the last three days, I did not take my medications. I am on a significant amount of medication for a variety of maladies, not the least of which is depression. I'm not sure why I wasn't taking the medication, as I feel so much better and am so much more productive when I do take it.
I took it again today, but wonder about self-destruction. Why do I do this? What stops me from doing the very best things for myself, like exercise, getting fresh air, taking my meds, etc.?
Today a friend posted a Maya Angelou quote that said success is liking yourself, liking what you do and liking how you do it. For right now, my odds aren't looking good. I wonder what it will take for me to like myself? It seems as if her statement is fairly circular, assuming one must have work one likes and do it well in order to like oneself.
But maybe Maya does not think those things are dependent on each other. For me, they always have been. But right now, I'm disconnected from my work and therefore trying to figure out who I am without it. I'm interested in finding out.
I took it again today, but wonder about self-destruction. Why do I do this? What stops me from doing the very best things for myself, like exercise, getting fresh air, taking my meds, etc.?
Today a friend posted a Maya Angelou quote that said success is liking yourself, liking what you do and liking how you do it. For right now, my odds aren't looking good. I wonder what it will take for me to like myself? It seems as if her statement is fairly circular, assuming one must have work one likes and do it well in order to like oneself.
But maybe Maya does not think those things are dependent on each other. For me, they always have been. But right now, I'm disconnected from my work and therefore trying to figure out who I am without it. I'm interested in finding out.
2 comments:
The brain is a funny thing. It it tricks you into believing that doing the thing that is good for you - taking your medications, exercising, seeing the doctor - is a weakness. So you skip doing that things because it gives you a fleeting feeling of control and makes you believe, if only for a second, that your life is the standard definition of normal.
I have no answers as to what stops us, but I believe that Maya's quote deals with a much broader definition of work - the work she refers to is the work of living as opposed to the means by which we support ourselves. I think that if you give yourself the chance to do the work of living - take your meds, get some fresh air - then the work-of-the-paycheck will sort itself out.
Hugs.
Thanks, Jenn. I think you're on to something. There is nothing I want more than to be a "normal" person who does not have to rely on meds for normalcy.
Thanks, as always, for the positive thoughts!
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