Do you ever feel totally empty and paralyzed? I feel that way right now.
I want so desperately to reach out and cling to that new life that embodies all of my hopes and dreams. I want it so badly that I can practically taste the happiness I will feel when I find fulfillment. I can picture it. I can imagine its effect on all of my senses. However, instead of grabbing this happiness, I hobble through each day, forcing myself to focus at work and succeed in a way that no longer fulfills me, hating the person I become in the process, then coming home to drown my fears--of change, of failure, of ridicule for not measuring up in the career I have had so far--in a glass of Chardonnay.
I'm not sure how much longer I can go on this way. I am scared. I feel weak. I feel pathetic.
01 August 2005
Emptiness
Posted by Lisa at 11:43 PM
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4 comments:
2005.08.02 - 12.11PM
you hold on
so tight
that you won't let yourself
feel the freedom
that you desire
you hold on
wanting to cling
finding this sense
of attachment
a weight you wish to loose
do you see
you must stand
say what's in your heart
the voice is yours
let it speak
do you see
the fulfillment
is inside of you
don't smother it
look at the year
how it divides
into seasons
there is change
it happens in cycles
if you cling
to the summer's warmth
you will not find
the harvest bounty
the clinging has
you paralyzed
allow yourself to change
Thank you, nice boys, for your posts.
Tanner, your poetry is so beautiful and I am touched that you wrote this for me. I especially love the parts about clinging to the past while missing the future, and allowing oneself to change. Thank you.
Brett, thank you for your encouragement and insight. You did a great job of reminding me that this was not a decision I arrived at quickly--it took a lot of time to decide, actually--and therefore, I must be patient while trying to change the thought to action.
Again, thank you both. It means a lot to me.
1. you are who you are. you are NOT what you do.
2. the antidote for fear is faith- keep looking, you will find it.
3. no one can ridicule you without your permission- put in your ear plugs and keep on truckin'.
4. a whole GLASS of chardonnay? no need to fret; it's good for your heart.
Thanks dc! Strangely enough, I was just talking with someone about your point number 1 before you posted it!
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