I am beginning to be concerned that I may be the cause of the Cubs' current situation. "Why," you ask, "o self-important one?" Well, I have seen or listened to every Cubs loss and did not hear the entirety of their only recent win. Desperate to hear a baseball game in which the team I want to win actually wins, I just tuned in (virtually, via MLB.com) to listen to tonight's White Sox game against the Twins. "Yes!", I cheered to myself, as the White Sox scored 3 runs in the top of the first inning to take an early lead . . . "this is what I've been missing!" But then the Twins, the lowly 17-19 Twins, scored 7 runs in the bottom of the first against Mark Buehrle, the best pitcher on the 23-12 White Sox. Do you see what I'm saying?
I also realized today that I need the prospect of future travel to look forward to. I have baseball tickets for the July 14th weekend in New York, but had no flight or hotel plans in place. Well, now I do--have hotel plans and a flight on hold, while I consider my airport and date/time of arrival preferences.
In other news, as you may know, today was Mother's Day. I have a complex relationship with my mother, one that I have dealt with for the last year by minimizing the occasions on which I actually speak with my mother. I don't want to regale you with my list of grievances against my mother, but rather wish to share my immense guilt at not calling her today. I actually purchased a nice present for her in advance of the day, but failed to mail it in time, so resorted to sending an e-card telling her of the gift's impending arrival and wishing her a happy day. But now I'm worried that, in an effort to keep the phone line open for my call, she has not logged into her email and does not know there is a card there for her. Ah, the tangled web we weave when we are a bad daughter who permits her personal angst to overcome the "must do's" in American society that involve familial relations.
P.S. I don't mean to make light of this--I actually do feel quite guilty and, having lost my father unexpectedly at a relatively young age, I have no excuse for taking for granted a parent's presence in one's life. But I don't know how to get past this barrier with my mother, which I think actually lies within myself, and desperately want to figure it out.
14 May 2006
Other items of interest from today.
Posted by Lisa at 7:42 PM
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4 comments:
Lisa, I wish I could give you some brilliant advice on this, but I can't. My relationship with my mother is pretty good.
But, my relationship with my dad was never good. I never really worked too hard on it either. And after he died I felt very guilty about it for the longest time, and still do, I guess.
So, the only thing I know to do is to try to figure out a way to settle things in some satisfactory way before it's too late.
Like you didn't already know, but still, that's the best I've got.
Thanks, Jay. I'll work on it, I promise. She did read the e-card, so that's something.
Well, this is going to seem a little weird, since Jay and I have the same parents, but I'll just tell you that once I accepted that my dad loved me the only way he knew how and that he wasn't going to be what I thought he should be, things were easier for me.
I'm not sure it helped our relationship be any stronger, but I was more accepting of whatever I could get from him. And since I had no expectations, I wasn't disappointed.
Mothers, however, are a little harder! I think we all have issues with our mothers. Hopefully, you'll be able to let go of the guilt and just accept what you have.
Not weird at all--I actually find it interesting to hear your slightly different takes on the same Dad. You and Jay are lucky to be so close--I am (through my own choice, however bad) somewhat cut off from my family right now. It seemed like a worthwhile price to pay for avoiding the hurt feelings when I deal with them, but I do feel somewhat like a lonely orphan at times, too.
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